Wednesday, 8 August 2018

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: ARE THE WOMEN TURNING THE TABLES?




Have you been following the trend lately? Have you been as severely shocked as many others have been to find that the pendulum of domestic violence is gradually tilting towards the women? Yes, our beautiful, industrious, strong and loving naija women are slowly making a bad name for  themselves, ripping their husbands apart with knives or any other lethal object available to them almost on a monthly basis. Frightening, isn't it? But it's the truth. If you read the papers regularly and pay attention to the social  media, you'll be aware of this extremely disturbing situation. Before now, it was the women crying out for help, seeking help to get out of marriages that have gone from bad to worse in terms of abuse. But it appears now that our women are protecting themselves, fighting their own battles where help is not coming, but taking the law into their hands in the process. And the result? Frequent deaths of men brutally murdered by their once loving and adorable wives. How did we get here? It's so difficult to trace the beginning of this problem, but we can, at least, give a few help tips to women presently enduring an abusive marriage. Before you end up killing your husband, here a few suggestions.

* SPEAK OUT: You must let people. family specifically, know what's going on between you and your husband. Most women who are physically abused by their husbands on a regular basis rarely
speak out. They keep the problem away from the family. A few may share it with their own family but keep it away from the husband's family for fear that he would descend heavily on them. Problem is, if things get out of hand, like it often does, and the woman strikes her husband with an object in self defense, like most of the women involved have claimed, the husband's family may claim their son has never been reported to be violent. They will insist she deliberately and cruelly murdered her husband.

*SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP: If your husband constantly beat you, then you shouldn't keep this between yourself and a few members of the family alone. You ,must reach out to professionals who can offer professional help. There are professional agencies run by state governments that currently support women who are enduring abusive marriages. They will counsel you and your partner and offer sound professional advice. You could start by asking older members of your family and your husband's family to come speak to him, that is, if you still love him. Most women stay in an abusive marriage either because of the stigma of being called a divorcee or because of their children and not because they still care about their husbands. They are always scared of losing their children because in most cases, many of these women lack the economic power to take proper care of their kids should they decide to walk away from the marriage with the kids. But whatever the reason is, it is a recipe for inviting murder into your home- if after doing the best you can and nothing works, get the hell out of that marriage so you don't end up killing or being killed by your husband!

*AVOID ARGUMENTS AND CONFRONTATIONS: While you're still in your marriage trying toseek ways to transform your husband back to the once loving and caring person he was when you first met him, avoid getting into arguments into arguments with him. Raising your voice at him at him and going confrontational with him might not be such a good idea when he comes home drunk or upset and looking to vent his anger on you. It is situations such as this that subsequently lead to the couples fighting each other and one party, in a moment of absolute rage, reaches for a harmful object to attack their partner. You must not let things degenerate to this point.

TAKE A WALK: Anytime he upsets you, or he claims you have gotten him livid with anger, and he appears to be in one of those foul moods where he desires to turn you into his punching bag, we advise you quietly leave the house. Do not argue with him. Go spend some time with a neighbour you're comfortable with, and when you feel he may have simmered down, then you can return to the house and try to speak softly and lovingly with him. This should calm him down, at least for that period. But this can only be easy to do if you still care about your man and seeking help for him.If after trying everything you can to save the situation without result, please begin to consider to walking out of the that marriage. Your children would prefer you are alive but only separated from their father, rather than being dead or in jail for killing their dad.    

*STAY STRONG AND PRAY ALWAYS: It is not a tea party having to live and deal with an abusive husband. It can be traumatizing sometimes. But you have to stay strong through it all. One impression you must never let your partner have about you is that you're weak. The average physically abusive husband loves to harass and take advantage of a weak wife. Don't keep breaking into tears every time in front of him. Stay strong and pray, God can turn a really bad situation around within the twinkle of an eye.

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