Monday, 27 August 2018

How do I cope with a mother-in-law who does not like me?

Women all over the world are always wary of that first meeting with the mother of the man they plan to spend the rest of their days with. Will she like me? Will she resent me? Will she support her son's proposed plan to marry me? Will she accept me as her daughter-in-law and love like I were her own biological daughter? These and a lot more are some of the questions that always prey on the mind of women when they set out to meet their soon -to-be mother -in-law. For some, it all turns out just perfect. The mother of their fiance just takes to them and they both hit it off the moment they meet. And things get even better from then on and they all go on to live happily ever after. But some others are not so lucky. Only a few months into their marriage, they find out that their mother-in-law is nothing but a nightmare. Nothing she does ever seem right in her eyes. Its as though she hates to see her happy with her son. So, how do you possibly deal with a woman like this? Here are a few tips we think might just be of help.

*Try to understand her. You're a woman yourself, try to picture yourself having to let go of your cherished son who has loved you all his life. Now, it seems he has already transferred all the love he had for you to this woman who just came out of nowhere to snatch your beloved son away from you. So, don't resent her for giving you attitude, instead, empathise with her, try to appreciate her pain and sense of loss and close your eyes to all the hostilities she throws at you.

*Be very, very patient with her. Remember, she's the mother of the man you love so dearly, do not offend him by being rude or out rightly insultive to his mother. He may not take it lightly with you. And besides, she may as well have been your mum so you have got to show to her the same sort of respect you show your own mother. You wouldn't want your mum or dad to be told how you've been trading words with your husband's mother, right.

*Talk to her. Go meet her at home without your husband and find out what her problem with you is. Is it that she has a problem with your attitude? Is it that she feels you have not shown her enough regard as the mother of your husband? Or she simply doesn't like the way you dress or she's only scared that you have come to take her place in her son's heart? Whatever it is, you must let her know she is wrong. And where she is right, let her know, with a promise, that you will make a change and be a better person. Make her promise to accept you once you make the changes she desires of you. 

*Show her love. Pamper her. If she's not in the village, take off on your own and go see her without being accompanied by your husband. And of course, you don't go empty handed. Buy her stuffs you know she likes and will appreciate. Whether it's a beautiful fabric or jewelry and matching pair of shoes to go with it, spoil her. But be careful it doesn't come across like a bribe, just make it look like its something you see as your responsibility to take good care of her. 

Communicate regularly with her. Call her often to find out how she's doing and if she needs anything. Make her feel comfortable opening up to you and develop that special bond between both of you. Gist with her. Tell her how well she has raised her son and how grateful you are to her for giving birth to such a wonderful human being. 

*Let her know she occupies a very important position in your life. Tell her you need her to help you through the challenges of motherhood and that you need her to help you through those difficult moments. 

*Don't go confrontational with her. One of the greatest mistakes you can possibly make as a wife is to confront and engage your mother-in-law in verbal abuse and exchange of insults. It cannot be of any good. If she gets under your skin and you can no longer take it, simply walk away and keep your mouth shut otherwise, every hurtful word you hurl at her in return will be used against you. This is Africa, there is certainly no place for a woman to insult her mother-in-law, no matter how much she's upset. 

*If all else has failed, then avoid getting into issues with her. Avoid being alone with her. But even while you're doing this, we still advise you extend hand of friendship to her and let her see little things that show to her you really want her to love you and accept you, and not that you're saying you don't give a hoot about her. That may not go down well with her.


  1. As a daughter inlaw, the treatment ur mother inlaw gives you, depends on you. lf you recognise, her, accept & respect her, you will enjoy ur marriage. lf you disrespect her, she will make life very difficult for you. lt is with patience & wisdom that the snail use to move on a tree with thorns.

  2. Ok, l will appreciate that. Thank you.