Wednesday, 31 May 2017


It is one thing for your man to be cheating on you by having mere flings with women that would not last beyond a few weeks, it is another thing for him to fall completely in love with one of these other women. Usually, with a fling, the entire relationship could go on without an iota of feelings and emotions on the part of the man. He doesn't need all of that, all he needs is to do is connect with his loins, get a hard on and he's good to go. Often times, men engage in these brief flings and the woman at home barely barely notices a thing. The man comes running quickly back home before wifey suspects anything and everyone is happy. But when your man now falls in love with a woman whom he intended for a fling, then there can be serious problems. That is the kind of situation that can totally throw spanners into the works of your marriage or relationship. Here are 15 vital signs your man may have fallen in love with another woman.

1. YOUR MAN FREQUENTLY PICKS FIGHTS WITH YOU: Doing this gives the reason to storm out of the house and meet his lover whom he's probably been missing all day and dying to be with. A cheater may


The other day, a woman mailed me and asked for a list of signs that would "Tell me he's cheating on me." This lady had been having a very uneasy feeling about her husband and she felt she needed a concrete list to either confirm her suspicion or tell her she's only been unnecessarily apprehensive over nothing. We'll serve you too the list I gave her, but I must warn you that if you don't see behaviours that match that of your man whom you also suspect is cheating, it doesn't mean you're wrong. Every man behaves differently and reacts differently to these situation. It is entirely up to you to open your eyes and follow up on your suspicions without being obvious about it until you reach a conclusive end. But until you do so, please do not behave irrationally or pick up baseless fights with your man because you could also be wrong! 

1. HE SUDDENLY STARTS WORRYING ABOUT HIS LOOKS: Often when men become comfortable in a relationship. they lay off trying so hard to look great for their partner. You're often comfortable enough for both of you to be in old casual clothes, sometimes he leaves his hair over full until you practically drag him to the salon. He even barely notices sometimes when his shirt and trousers just don't match. But now, he notices everything! He even spends a great deal of time in front of the mirror admiring himself and his fabulous new jacket. Or he starts buying trendier or younger looking clothes and suddenly begins to attempt to lose weight, then its time to shine your eyes and keep a close eye on Oga, something fishy might be going on.

Effects of Troubled Marriages on kids (A Public Talk delivered by Mrs. Torkwase Kuraun)

Good morning ladies and gentlemen. My name is Torkwase Kuraun. I am here share  a few words with you as couples and parents. I will be talking about the side effects troubled marriages have on our kids. I picked this topic to discuss with you because I know how important our kids are to us, and how much we wish for them to succeed and have good futures. I wish I could talk much more about it, but I have a time limit. Before we get to the main topic for today, I would like to tell you a little about myself. I've been married for 10years with 2 kids who both go to school here. I am a relationship expert and marriage counselor and I have a blog to that effect. I also have an online dating site where I work as a match maker, match making serious minded people who are looking for love and are compatible. I always had interest in counseling and match making long before I got married. I was very good at settling fights between couples, reuniting separated couples, giving my friends tips on how best to handle their relationships. I decided to make it official and become a professional counselor a couple of years back. It's what I enjoy doing, it gives me joy to know that I've impacted positively into the lives of couples and their marriages. That been said, i will like to go straight to the point of why I'm here.

Like I said earlier, our kids are very important to us. And it's because of them we are gathered here today. But there are some mistakes we make or actions we take as parents that affect our kids in the long run, and we are ignorant about it. One of those

Thursday, 25 May 2017


Few reasons why some fall in love and other times people feel so unhappy, they look to others for a stronger, emotional or physical connection. They complain of feeling taken for granted, unloved, resented, or ignored. Sometimes there is a lack of intimacy or sexuality in the marriage. These brouhaha could be as a result of;

1 - No true or genuine existence of love: When you love someone genuinely, from the heart, having those butterfly rummaging in your stomach when think, see or hear the persons voice, it is hard to ignore, resent, or take them for granted because its feels like your every breath is dependent on them. Tell me will you ignore such person? VERY UNLIKELY.

2 - Consolation relationship: This kind happens when

Monday, 22 May 2017

It Makes Him Feel Desired and Accepted

Men need to feel desired as much as women do. A man relies on sexual intimacy as a source for fulfillment and his need of feeling desired. When a man receives sexual affection, it gives him a great sense of desirability, and it’s because of his strong inner relationship with his sexual identity. He feels as though he brings a very unique offering that only he can fulfill for his spouse, and the need she has for him makes him feel special. Men are very sexually expressive, and rely on sexual affection in their relationships as their greatest source for fulfillment. 

When a man feels fully embraced by his partner and that she is accepting of his entire male identity, it gives him a great

Saturday, 20 May 2017

Can One Still Be Trusted after Cheating?

No doubt infidelity and lack of trust are the major causes of conflict among married people today. The duo are inseparable. The fear is, when you fall to infidelity and it's noticed by your partner, what do you do next? Is it enough to say "I am sorry"? Or is your partner expecting more than that?
 It is obviously not very easy for your partner to let go the thought of being cheated on even after you have been forgiven. If not well resolved, it can build up untrust which can linger for a longer time than you can imagine. Sometimes till "forever"

If you have cheated on your partner and he/she discovered, apologise. Then take a step further to ensure it does not happen again.

But how do you do that?

Tuesday, 16 May 2017


The marriage institution, in recent times, appears to be under some form of siege. Homes are being torn apart daily while divorce rates are shooting high by the minute. The devil, if we must blame him like we do all the time, appears to be having a walk in the park, making a mockery of our marital vows and rocking the institution to its very foundation. While we do not ascribe blames to any party, we indeed believe that, often times, both the man and woman are responsible for this unfortunate situation. But first, we seek to address the man through this article, we will address the woman in subsequent articles (We have actually done a whole lot of that on this blog)  

1. If you don't understand her place you will never maximize her grace. Every man must understand the significance of his wife in his home and in his life. This is the only way her grace in your life can blossom.

Monday, 15 May 2017


Some have described men to be like wild horses, they can be easily scared. There are lots of things women do that can set guys scampering away at a gallop. Most times, women do not even realize they 're the reason Mr. Charming simply disappeared. They're so engulfed in their desire to have their perfect man, walk down the isle with him and build their dream home that they fail to see that they're probably saying or doing the right things at the wrong time. Here are five of some of the things women do that frighten men off.

1. COMMITMENT PRESSURE: Women often say that men are scared of commitment. Newsflash: they're not. What they're scared of is commitment too soon, and 'too soon' simply means before he's thought of it himself.

The Power of Friendship in Marriage

Friendship is number one key in a healthy marriage, followed by open communication. One of the goals to control infidelity is a constant flow of bonding and intimacy (intimate gestures) in and out of the bedroom. When your spouse cheats on you, it's not always mainly because of sex, sometimes there may be many more underlying issues that contribute to the action. Staying faithful is a decision. Its a conscious effort you make to remain devoted to your partner no matter what the situation is. We all need to stay prayerful, focused, committed, content, exercise self control and discipline. To continue to grow in love, tolerance is also a much needed ingredient. Above all, having the fear of God is vital. It's the constant need to reverence Him and obey His word.   Couples need to continue bonding and showing each

Thursday, 11 May 2017


We need to take a critical look at this feminine phenomenon that has been with us for a while now. What exactly is the average woman looking for in a man? How can we understand the way the mind of a woman works? How can men see into that pretty little mind of the woman and come to grasp with the complexities of the female specie? To hit the subject right on the button, the question on the lips of some men who have been left puzzled by the complex nature of the woman is, what does a woman really want from her man? Do they know specifically what it is they want in a man? Is it a man who's got lots of loving to give that they desire, or a man who's got the crispiest wads of cash to throw around? Or, more interestingly, is it the man who can set the bedroom on fire with great sex? Without a doubt, this is one debate that will always linger on for a long time to come. And while we won't delude ourselves that we can put this debate to rest here, what we merely seek to do is to let you have a feel of what a handful of celebrity women in our midst think of the aforementioned subject. In this chat with some popular actresses, WALE LAWAL reached out to them sometime ago via HINTS magazine and got them to share their thoughts on the issue. Enjoy and let us know what you think afterwards. 

I will say love because it is love that will bring all the things you mentioned. I believe a woman needs love the most because love is all giving. When you're in love, you will have the need to give repeatedly without counting the cost. So, as far as I am concerned, a woman needs love.

Its hard to say really. Its hard to pick one out of the lot. I say the total package, love, money and great sex. I do not think its too much to have all three, is it? 

A woman's desire in a relationship varies from one individual to the other. While some may choose love and be willing to cope without the other two, others simply cannot do without one of the three. For me, the three are very important, but I think that love is the most important of all. 

Love, of course! Love matters a whole lot in every relationship. Its like the foundation every relationship is built on. Love first, and then every other thing can follow. To be honest, its great to have all three, but love, for me, is the most important.

It has to be love. Every woman loves money. Money is good. And even the other one you talked about is important too, but at the end of the day, its love that comes first. 

My answer is simple; Love, money and great sex, in that order. Everyone of these three things is very, very important. 

I believe that sex is important in a marriage or relationship, so is money. But love is supreme, because without love there is no way the union can work, irrespective of the money or sex. So, I believe a woman needs love the most because that is the only logical reason for a good union anyway. Money will come and go, good sex will not last forever, but love and true love can last and sustain the marriage once it is genuine. 

To me, every woman wants the three things if it is possible. The three, money, love and great sex are intertwined together. If there is money and no love or great sex, there will be problems. Also, if there is love and no money or great sex, there will definitely be problems. So, to me, a woman needs the three. 

Love, money and great sex, believe me, all three are really important. Honestly. you need finance for security, and sex is very important too, otherwise the lady might be tempted to look elsewhere. But I think the most important is love. It is not easy for a woman to cope with the absence of one or two of them in a marriage or relationship. Everyone of these three is important. 

The three of them are important, I believe they complement each other. Love is encompassing, true love is wonderful. I believe in love. But then if you have money and then a wonderful spouse who gives you great sex, then life will be beautiful. The three of them put together will be wonderful, but love is most important.

Love keeps a woman and assures her about the relationship. Money is important because you need to look good both physically and health wise. Sex too is very important, great sex is good. But love is most important and it covers everything. Love is giving, love is good, but you need to get every other thing; money and great sex. God loves us so we need to give love, it is important. To me, the three things are encompassing, but love is most important. 

I believe a woman's needs differ with age. For some, it is love and money while some need the total package. And others just want great sex and money. You can't say exactly what a woman really wants because their minds are weak and they confuse lots of stuff together. 

Basically I think the average woman is looking for peace of mind. Though there are some women who go looking for love elsewhere if they can't find it in the man they love. Some seek finacial comfort if they think its lacking in their marriage or relationship; this actually varies from one individual to the other. But ultimately, the woman is looking for peace of mind.

Wednesday, 10 May 2017


When I look back at all the relationships I have been through that didn't work out and when I listen to stories from people who come to me for counsel, indeed relationships aren’t easy at all. You can find someone regretting and crying because their partner doesn’t give them their time and attention. And again you can also find another
person having their partner’s full time and attention but crying for their bad behaviors like disrespect and being abusive. Then you can also find someone quitting the relationship because their partner cheated on them, made a mistake or because of some misunderstandings. But again when they move on they find it worse with the new person they relate with. It’s like escaping death at the
ocean and it hits you up at the shores. 

Relationship problems are like rain because it rains everywhere. They break boundaries. They don't matter whether someone is a celebrity, a politician, a billionaire, a wizard in something,

Tuesday, 9 May 2017


There are a lot of things some couples did together while they were still just dating or in the early stage of their marriage and they stop once they are married or when they start having kids or as the years go by. One of those things is going out to have fun together. When couples go out on evening strolls, that brings an "unexplainable" spark in their marriage and friendship. They get to bond better and such marriages do not get boring. Make it a habit to take your spouse out on dinner dates, to a lounge, and to parties every now and then. Marriages tend to work better for couples that are best friends to each other, doing fun things together and creating fun memories together will help tighten that friendship. Some people think a husband or a wife should be just that and nothing more, and that is wrong. Your spouse should be your best friend, confidant, number one fan, supporter, gossip partner and all. Sometimes issues come up in marriages because of the distance between couples, lack of bond between them and lack of understanding, and what better way to have that strong bond and to understand your partner better, than to do things together, to always be in the company of each other while you have the best moments of your life? Little things like eating together and watching movies together also count a lot.

Another thing you should never stop doing is getting gifts for each other. Surprise your spouse with gifts or romantic

Monday, 8 May 2017


I didn't know Nancy from Adam, she'd called me up just like many of my scores of readers. Only thing was that she hadn't called to say the regular nice words and tell me how well we were doing, she had a problem weighing on her mind and she needed to unburden her heart to me. We agreed on day and time and at exactly 3 p.m. on the agreed day, our receptionist showed her into my office. She was a lot more mature, quite older than whom I'd expected to see. Her sweet, lovely voice on the phone gave me the impression she was a younger person. I didn't expect her intimidating height either. Nancy stood at about six feet tall and had a great figure to go with it. And she was quite pretty too, the sort of woman most guys would kick themselves in the butt to possess.
"Sorry, Wale, for insisting I had to personally meet with you, I know you're a very busy person..."
"It's alright, Nancy, that's what we're here for," I'd assured her. "Now, tell me, what is it you wanted to talk about?"
Nancy stared blankly into space for a fleeting moment and then exhaled sharply. Something was indeed preying on her pretty little mind. 

"I am a thoroughly confused woman right now, Wale," Nancy launched into her story. "I have been dating these two guys for some time now. For various reasons, I love both of them differently. One of them, Dave, is a cool guy who loves me so much. I can tell you this guy could give me one of his kidneys if I needed it to stay alive. He's a medical doctor and he's very comfortable. And he's ready to marry me. The other guy, a banker, and good looking too, is also quite comfortable, but he doesn't show me love me quite the way Dave does. Plus the fact that he womanizes. But, Wale, this guy has something else that Dave doesn't have..."she let it hang, her voice trailing off slightly.

"And what could that possibly be?" I'd thrown at her, curious to hear from her. 
"Wale, this guy is the only guy I've been with that knows how to make feel like a woman. Making love with him is like being in heaven. I know this guy doesn't love me quite the way Dave does, in fact, he's unreliable when it comes to commitment. Dave loves me, he can take care of me if I become his wife, but I know myself, Wale, I don't want to start sleeping around when I become his wife. The truth is that Dave is boring in bed, but this other guy is..."

"But I thought you said he doesn't love you." I reminded her. 
"I will make him love me if I have to, Wale," she promptly answered. "I am 27 years old and my parents are putting pressure on me to pick one of them and settle down this year or else my father will throw me out of his house. I love Dave, Wale, perhaps just as much as he loves me, but is love all I need to be happy in my marriage? Wouldn't I get bored at some point even with all the love and comfort Dave will give to me and sneak out to go meet this guy whenever I need to feel the power of a real man? Please, help me, what do I do now? I don't want a failed marriage. Who do I choose between these two guys?"

To be honest, I didn't know what to make of Nancy's dilemma. To start with, it seemed to me she already had her mind made up, so it wouldn't really matter much what I thought of her plight. I tried to let her know that love can last possibly forever, or at least longer than great sex, but that didn't make any difference to her. I wanted to tell her that the most enduring gift any man could give a woman is pure unadulterated love and not money or great sex, still, that didn't cut any ice with her. And as I write this, I seriously begin to wonder, what does a woman really want? Do you know? Please share your thoughts with us by sending in your comments.

Thursday, 4 May 2017


Which would you prefer be said to you by your spouse? “you’re mad that I was late, sorry about that or “I’m sorry I was late. I know it was rude, and it messed up your night. In the future, I will leave home extra early to make sure I arrive on time.”
It’s a safe bet that everyone would pick the second apology. In fact, the first sentence couldn’t really be classified as an apology. But in most cases, our statements resemble the first apology more than the second. Why is it so?
Sometimes our pride and ego gets in the way of admitting we were wrong. We also might be genuinely unsure as to why someone is upset, but hope a sincere apology of some sort will help.
How To Say You’re Sorry
Knowing how to apologize is essential in maintaining healthy relationship and marriage. Conflict and making mistakes are inevitable. We know that we will eventually hurt someone, so we must also know how to apologize. If you find yourself in a situation that calls for an apology, follow these steps to say and truly mean you’re S.O.R.R.Y.

(S)ay it: This may seem obvious, but you have to begin by saying you’re sorry. Start with “I’m sorry” or “I apologize.” But don’t’ stop there. Express remorse and be specific. What are you sorry for and what do you need to admit? For instance,“I’m sorry I yelled at you. I lost my patience, and that was wrong.” Be sincere about it.

(O)wn it: Don’t make excuses for your words or actions. Admit what you did. It might even be helpful to take this to the next level and let the person know you recognize the results of your actions. Empathize with what they must be going through as a result of what your action. “I know what I said hurt you. I know it must have been hard to hear, especially after everything you’ve done for me. It was wrong of me to say those things.”

(R)epair and (R)estore: Make a sincere effort to repair the relationship/marriage. Do something to set things right. You could say something like, “I want to make this up to you. If there’s anything I can do, just ask.” Or “I’ve realised I have been neglecting our marriage or relationship. I’d like to set aside at least one night each week for a date with you.”

(Y)earn for change: As you seek ways to repair and restore the relationship, look to make changes. Not only should you tell the person that you’re sorry, follow up by demonstrating that it won’t happen again. None of us are perfect and we are guaranteed to fail again in some way, but explain how you plan to make changes that will stop you from repeating this mistake. For example, if you’re chronically late, promise to change your habits by leaving home earlier. A true apology is complete in our sincere efforts to avoid repeating the action or making same mistake.

Finally, this you must know; “sorry about that” is neither an apology nor a sign of humility; “I am sorry” is.

Wednesday, 3 May 2017


Marriage is a delicate institution which should be handled with absolute care. If you have not encountered any challenge in your marriage/spouse, then you are not yet married. Ploblems arise but at same time you have been devinely equipped with the capability to handle them and move on with your marriage. A lot of homes have been broken as a result of talking to a wrong third party which often fall within family and friends. Here are a few reasons you may need to think twice before sharing your sensitive marriage issues with family and friends.

Its normal for couples to have quarrels or disagreements once in a while, you will mostly get over those issues and move on like nothing ever happened. You are in love with your partner and that's one of the main reasons why you find yourself forgiving and making up after a quarrel. But your family or friends do not have such feelings for them, they do not love them the way you do. So they will find it difficult to forgive or forget what they said to you or did to you why you had your misunderstanding.
One of the major things that jeopardize the chances of a marriage or relationship succeeding is negative advice from loved ones(family and friends). Even if you pay a deaf ear to those advice, some will eventually get your attention and you will start listening and acting on them. You are the one married to your spouse (you are the one wearing the shoe and only your know how it fits or where it hurts) so why give people who do not know your spouse as well as you do the opportunity to judge or make decisions for you, concerning your marriage, home or love life? People who may not even know anything about having a successful marriage. Mind you, like I said earlier, they do not love your partner like you do so those advice are not coming from a place of love. Even if they love your partner, they love you more and their judgment or advice will definitely be biased. They will side you in issues that a neutral person would tell you that you are both wrong and should both work on yourselves for a better marriage. Your family and friends could even encourage you to leave your partner or react in ways that will likely end your marriage. And mind you, sometimes those advice could come out of jealousy. It's very normal for a friend or a sibling to be jealous of your love life or marriage. Maybe because they do not have that with their own partners or they never even liked your partner and if they had their way, you would be married to someone else or they just do not love you as much as you think. For any reason at all, it is highly not advisable to always involve your family and friends into your marriage or relationship issues, or to present your partner as bad person to them. Or let them know of your partners flaws. You got married or you are with your partner because of the good things in them, not the flaws, so why not let people around you know of their good qualities that you love instead of only the flaws that you hate?

Your family or friends will treat your partner or look at your partner or think of your partner the way you make them do. If you hold your partner in high esteem then they will hold them in high esteem too. If you treat your partner like trash they will do the same thing. If you portray to them that your partner is not a good spouse or person then they will never think or look at them in any good light. They will harbour those bad impressions they have about your partner forever.

Continuously telling your family or your friends about the terrible things your partner said or did to you in the heat of a quarrel can cause them to have immense hatred towards your partner, and their reaction will cause your partner to hate them back. This conflict can go on forever. And most times this is caused by the way you presented the issue to them. While you were at the peak of your anger you called and reported your partner and at that point you are so pissed that you said terrible things and even said you regret getting married, you have no idea or do not care at the moment the effect your words have on your partner, they will pick on all those things and react in a way that will affect your relationship and the relationship between them and your partner forever.

Continuously presenting to your family and friends that your marriage is a disaster will cause them to never value or respect your marriage. Even when they see things going well sometimes, they will still always have it at the back of their head that this marriage is a disaster or a mistake. And everyone have a best friend, they will one day tell their best friends or partners about how terrible your marriage is, and of all the hell you are going through and it goes on and on and you, your marriage and your partner will become a laughing stock. This is more likely to happen among friends that you kept involving in your marital issues. They will mock you behind your back. And maybe even rejoice about your downfall.
These are just some of the consequences of letting your family and friends in on everything going on in your marriage.
The bottom line is, reduce the rate at which you call your family and friends to lament about your partner during a misunderstanding or quarrel. It's advisable to talk to someone about the problems or issues you have, to ease your mind of them, a problem shared is a problem have solved. But you can keep just one trusted sibling to always talk to, or just one trusted friend. Or better still, talk to a marriage counselor. A marriage counselor is trained in relationship issues, and has resolved many issues and maybe similar issues to yours, so they know better and they are neutral. They will give you genuine advices without been biased. Not talking to somebody at all about your problems is not good for your health. And you can not always make good decisions on your own. You need an expert to lead you sometimes.