IS IT ADVISABLE TO INVOLVE OR TALK TO YOUR FAMILY OR FRIENDS ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE ISSUES?

Marriage is a delicate institution which should be handled with absolute care. If you have not encountered any challenge in your marriage/spouse, then you are not yet married. Ploblems arise but at same time you have been devinely equipped with the capability to handle them and move on with your marriage. A lot of homes have been broken as a result of talking to a wrong third party which often fall within family and friends. Here are a few reasons you may need to think twice before sharing your sensitive marriage issues with family and friends.

1. THEY WOULD NEVER FORGET: 

Its normal for couples to have quarrels or disagreements once in a while, you will mostly get over those issues and move on like nothing ever happened. You are in love with your partner and that's one of the main reasons why you find yourself forgiving and making up after a quarrel. But your family or friends do not have such feelings for them, they do not love them the way you do. So they will find it difficult to forgive or forget what they said to you or did to you why you had your misunderstanding.

2. THEY WILL START TO POISON YOUR MIND OR ADVICE YOU NEGATIVELY AGAINST YOUR PARTNER:

One of the major things that jeopardize the chances of a marriage or relationship succeeding is negative advice from loved ones(family and friends). Even if you pay a deaf ear to those advice, some will eventually get your attention and you will start listening and acting on them. You are the one married to your spouse (you are the one wearing the shoe and only your know how it fits or where it hurts) so why give people who do not know your spouse as well as you do the opportunity to judge or make decisions for you, concerning your marriage, home or love life? People who may not even know anything about having a successful marriage. Mind you, like I said earlier, they do not love your partner like you do so those advice are not coming from a place of love. Even if they love your partner, they love you more and their judgment or advice will definitely be biased. They will side you in issues that a neutral person would tell you that you are both wrong and should both work on yourselves for a better marriage. Your family and friends could even encourage you to leave your partner or react in ways that will likely end your marriage. And mind you, sometimes those advice could come out of jealousy. It's very normal for a friend or a sibling to be jealous of your love life or marriage. Maybe because they do not have that with their own partners or they never even liked your partner and if they had their way, you would be married to someone else or they just do not love you as much as you think. For any reason at all, it is highly not advisable to always involve your family and friends into your marriage or relationship issues, or to present your partner as bad person to them. Or let them know of your partners flaws. You got married or you are with your partner because of the good things in them, not the flaws, so why not let people around you know of their good qualities that you love instead of only the flaws that you hate?

3. LOSS OF RESPECT FOR YOUR PARTNER: 

Your family or friends will treat your partner or look at your partner or think of your partner the way you make them do. If you hold your partner in high esteem then they will hold them in high esteem too. If you treat your partner like trash they will do the same thing. If you portray to them that your partner is not a good spouse or person then they will never think or look at them in any good light. They will harbour those bad impressions they have about your partner forever.

4. THERE WILL BE SERIOUS CONFLICT AND HATRED BETWEEN YOUR PARTNER AND YOUR FAMILY OR FRIENDS:

Continuously telling your family or your friends about the terrible things your partner said or did to you in the heat of a quarrel can cause them to have immense hatred towards your partner, and their reaction will cause your partner to hate them back. This conflict can go on forever. And most times this is caused by the way you presented the issue to them. While you were at the peak of your anger you called and reported your partner and at that point you are so pissed that you said terrible things and even said you regret getting married, you have no idea or do not care at the moment the effect your words have on your partner, they will pick on all those things and react in a way that will affect your relationship and the relationship between them and your partner forever.

5. YOU ARE MAKING A MOCKERY OF YOUR MARRIAGE AND YOUR PARTNER: 

Continuously presenting to your family and friends that your marriage is a disaster will cause them to never value or respect your marriage. Even when they see things going well sometimes, they will still always have it at the back of their head that this marriage is a disaster or a mistake. And everyone have a best friend, they will one day tell their best friends or partners about how terrible your marriage is, and of all the hell you are going through and it goes on and on and you, your marriage and your partner will become a laughing stock. This is more likely to happen among friends that you kept involving in your marital issues. They will mock you behind your back. And maybe even rejoice about your downfall.

These are just some of the consequences of letting your family and friends in on everything going on in your marriage.

The bottom line is, reduce the rate at which you call your family and friends to lament about your partner during a misunderstanding or quarrel. It's advisable to talk to someone about the problems or issues you have, to ease your mind of them, a problem shared is a problem have solved. But you can keep just one trusted sibling to always talk to, or just one trusted friend. Or better still, talk to a marriage counselor. A marriage counselor is trained in relationship issues, and has resolved many issues and maybe similar issues to yours, so they know better and they are neutral. They will give you genuine advices without been biased. Not talking to somebody at all about your problems is not good for your health. And you can not always make good decisions on your own. You need an expert to lead you sometimes.

HOW I RUN THE #NO 1 DATING SITE IN AFRICA JESSICA BROWN KURAUN, FOUNDER IMETMYSOULMATE.COM (A City People Interview)

You could’ve mistaken her for a top celebrity actress if you were meeting her for the first time. This is because Mrs. Jessica T. Kuraun is a gorgeously beautiful woman who never fails to add a touch of glamour to her look whenever she steps out. Curvy and attractive looking for a mother of two, Jessica, apart from being a blogger and founder of Africa’s best matching site, imetmysoulmate.com, is actually also an actress, though she hasn’t been quite as active as she would’ve loved in the movie business owing to her already heavy schedules as a business woman, blogger, marriage counsellor, philanthropist and most importantly, as wife and mother to four adorable children (two of the four kids are adopted) In this interview with City People’s WALE LAWAL, the extremely humble and compassionate woman who also has an intense passion to support less privileged children in the society opens up on her desire to match make single people and the joy it gives her to see people she’s match-made happy together. She also shares with us her aspirations and the challenges that come with running Africa’s first and biggest dating site.

www.imetmysoulmate.com

What inspired your starting up a dating website in Nigeria, instead of a blog like most others?

I give God the glory for the idea. The idea just came to me that there was a vacuum that needed to be filled in Africa’s cyberspace. I noticed that a majority of us depended too much on Facebook, twitter, Instagram, Badoo and other social media to communicate our feelings, and all these media though are no doubt excellent, a medium for meeting genuine and unpretentious friends and potential spouses was still lacking in Nigeria and the entire world, so I came up with this dating site for genuine and sincere people who are not just up there for fun, but are interested in meeting great people who are prepared to settle down or long-term relationships. I also think that besides other things, I have had a lifetime interest in matchmaking. I have encouraged very great people to get married and all these marriages I helped in consummating have been extremely successful. So I thought I should take it to a whole new level and expand the mission to the rest of the world. The greatest soul winning in Christianity is marriage. God respects marriage, love and healthy relationships more than any other thing. Also, as a woman who is successfully married, I am an example to others who may be struggling out there to have successful relationships. So the dating website I have come up with is a place to be for Nigerians and other citizens of the world who are struggling with having genuine relationships.

As a graduate of Theatre Arts, why didn’t you go into acting or anything related to your training?

I am an award-winning dancer and I have been successful in choreography, but I am basically an artiste and even an artist and matchmaking is a great art. To match-make, you have to appeal to people’s sense of beauty and form, before they can even achieve that harmony that results to marriage. I am also into farming, business and political activism, but my primary passion is matchmaking. It gives me great joy to make great marriages, because the success of any society depends primarily on successful marriages and good homes. The violence and social ills you see in Nigeria and across the world are as a result of failed homes and families. If you choose the wrong husband or wife, you will end up with a broken home and in extension a broken society or a broken world. More than half of the social disorders in Nigeria for example, can be traced to bad marriages. So the greatest art form is to make good people who believe in each other, to help give us the healthy society we need to make Nigeria and the world, a better place. So the business of matchmaking and healthy relationships is the most important thing in any society. You can’t get resourceful and productive people to drive your economy when half of your population is a product of broken homes or relationships. Corruption which is a major reason why Nigeria is backward is also as a result of bad homes.

So how do you combine blogging and matchmaking, with your other businesses?

It is a big challenge, but I have reached a stage where some of my commitments are on autopilot, so I just enlist assistance from a couple of staff to help with some areas. I also have a very supportive husband, so it helps a lot in dealing with some of these commitments. Imetmysoulmate.com is a site to visit.

But considering that many Nigerians are already used to other dating sites, how would you get the desired traffic to your site, to really make a mark?

Our strategy is to attract many people who are tired of fake people on the other dating sites. It is not every subscriber that is looking for sex or flings. So many people out there, young and old, just want decent and sincere hook ups, and those are the people we are interested in. So our strength is that we are different from others. What you can’t find on other sites, you can find on our dating website. So this is a revolution I have started and I am extremely proud of. It’s also Africa’s alternative to western-style websites. Our aim is create a consciousness of African courtship system built on our values. So this is the dating website that Africa should subscribe to.

These days, there have been cases where fraudulent people who have gone on the internet to dupe people and in some cases take advantage of their desperate search for partners by callously using and dumping them. How do you screen people who come to you looking for partners to be sure they’re real and genuine?

Unlike other dating websites, we have introduced 2nd step verification where members are requested to upload their valid means of identification and other necessary details for security purposes. We also constantly remind members not to fall victim and also report anyone who tries to extort money from them by any means.

We also call members as they register to confirm they are who they claim to be.

Members however have the responsibility to report anyone who is suspected of fraudulent activities or who has defaulted and the person will be permanently deleted from the community. We are also increasing our strictness to members uploading their profile pictures.

It is surprising that membership to your dating site is free when you should be actually making a lot of money from it, what exactly is the reason for this?

The one and only reason to it is that I love match making people. I have real passion for it and it gives me joy to connect two compatible people who are single and willing to get into a serious relationship. It’s something I was doing even before setting up the site. And I am proud to say that I have matched-made many people and some are married now. So, I set up the dating site mainly as a means to help people. To do what I love the most. The joy I get from match making is worth more than money to me. But unfortunately, we need money to succeed in everything so I will have to put a little price on the site in the future, just to make enough money to continue paying my workers, the programmers and other staff helping me to make the dating site a huge success.

You have a fantastic husband and a beautiful family, what would you say has been the key behind your successful marriage? 

I will say the key to my successful marriage is friendship. The friendship between me and my husband is amazing. Marriages work better for couples that have a strong bond of friendship. We communicate a lot on everything. He’s my best friend and I am his best friend. We’ve been married for 10 years and the friendship is still waxing strong, we do not do anything without consulting each other. We support each other a lot too. I will say basically that we are inseparable, we are one. We do not bring third parties into our marriage. And I try my best to remain beautiful for him, love him and my kids the best way I can. But above all, God is the reason for my successful marriage. Without Him we can try anything in the world, go to marriage counseling and love each other deeply but it will not work. All couples need to take their marriage to God, let Him be the center of everything that goes on in their homes.

Our marriage is not completely perfect but we both work on making it better. We are aware that none of us is perfect and we need to work on our marriage daily to have the type of home we want.

Describe your husband in a few words

Kind hearted. He is my better half. He is a good, caring and generous man. He’s God fearing. A loving husband and a very good father. He’s my Prince charming and my best friend. He completes me.

DO WOMEN STILL GET THE RESPECT THEY DESERVE?

I miss old school. I miss the music, I miss the life style. But most especially, I miss the way we wooed women back then. Back in the day, men treated women with a lot of respect and handled them with tenderness. And I must add too, that women conducted themselves with a lot more decency than we see these days. Their dressing was way better, not the sort that usually leaves little to the imagination nowadays. What you get now from a lot of our ladies is nothing but fake 'phonee' that's usually well concealed in their often sweet sounding voice, making it not so easy to detect their flaws. But let me not digress, this article is not exactly about what our women are lacking these days, its about what we, the guys, are not doing right with the women! 

Back in the day, starting off a relationship with a woman was usually a fairly long, sometimes intricate but exciting process. There was no social media then, so we didn't have the luxury of going on facebook to chat with ladies we had never met before. Usually, you get to meet her through a mutual friend who would introduce you to each other. If you went straight to her, chances were that you could meet a brick wall because she doesn't know you and has no idea the sort of person you are. You had to be patient with her. You had to wait till she was comfortable with your personality enough to want to be your friend. Unfortunately, that's not what you'll find today. Guys now consider the average woman cheap, gullible and materialistic. 'Let your money speak for you,' they say. 'Give her a little treat and promise her the world and she'll be in your bed in a matter of days.' Little wonder they see women as some piece of property they acquired with their money and as such can treat and speak to them any way and any how they choose. This is not only wrong but barbaric as well. I mean, how can you claim to love a woman whom you literally treat no differently from the collection of furniture occupying some space in your home? You could get away with this for a some time, but after a while, there surely would be a backlash. Your woman will eventually learn to stand up for her herself and trust me, you won't like the transformation!

Another part of the old school way of relating to women that I think men can still find quite handy is the chivalrous nature of treating women back then. We opened car doors to let them in or out of the car and sent them cards and flowers sometimes just to remind them how much they still send our hearts skipping at the sound of their voice. There are men who still enjoy sharing the cooking with wifey and helping out with a bit of the chores. Yeah, I get it, you can't ever do that, right? Makes you look like a 'woman wrapper', abi? Too bad you feel that way, but the reality is that if you wish to have a truly blissful and enduring relationship, and enjoy your woman's unconditional love, then you must be willing to support her at all times. It is sad that in this day and age, some men still believe the woman's only responsibility is to take care of the house, take care of the kids and take care of them as well. Like, that's what she signed up for when she married you, right? While you sit down in your favourite chair in the house watching football on a hot Saturday afternoon, she is running all over the place cooking, cleaning, washing and ensuring your meal is served just the way you like it. You don't get up to support her. You don't even lift a finger to help. Yet, when she's all fagged out and aching all over after being on her feet all day, you still expect her to lie on her back for you in bed that same night while you bump and grind! Seriously? How would that work? In fact, if you ask me, one of the ways to get your woman looking forward to being in your arms in bed is when you spend time doing chores together. It builds a different kind of intimacy that is special and beautiful. But then, if you still think it's a sign of weakness to support your woman, then I can only feel sorry for you.

Finally, the one thing I find most unacceptable about the way some men treat their women is their abuse and absolute lack of respect for these women! Some men simply just don't know how to treat a woman like a lady. Sure, you can argue that some women can be quite irritable and obstinate to deal with, but as the man, you must show maturity and wisdom by handling them with some love and tenderness. Some men beat up their women in the house, yell at them in public, scold them openly before total strangers and shut them down should they wish to express their opinion over an issue. This is a shame and if truth be told, any man who does this shouldn't consider himself to be a man because REAL men don't disrespect their woman. Ask some of these guys why they do this and they might tell you women deserve to be so treated because a lot of them are no good. And if you ask where they got this from, you'll probably find out this is what they were led to believe by the irresponsible men around them while they were growing up. Here's news flash for you, guys, the truth is, there's probably no such thing as a no good woman, every no good woman was probably made no good by a no good man. Treat your woman with respect. Teach her with love and tenderness how to love you better and meet up with the standards you have set for her and for your self. When a woman is in love she'll be willing to do anything for her man, educating her on how to be your dream partner will certainly be the least of her worries. And the ladies, the good news is, there are still a few good men out there. Men who love and respect their women and treat them like the queen that they desire to be. Take your time, shine your eyes and search in the right places, and you shall find your own good man. Sometimes, you don't even have to go searching for him, he will find you, trust me...

Written by Wale Lawal

HOW STRONG ARE YOU?

 

They had been at the hospital for weeks, watching over their daughter who had been drifting in and out of coma. Nearly everyone had been to see them to offer both financial and emotional support. I couldn't see them before now because I'd also been financially lean and didn't think I'd be comfortable visiting and leaving them without offering any financial assistance, especially when I'm am well aware they've spent quite a fortune trying to keep their precious daughter alive. 

Vanessa had been ill for some time now. She'd been taken to a couple of hospitals before the parents were advised to bring her to where they were now. The extremely beautiful eight year old girl had some heart related problem and her condition had grown worse. I could scarcely recognize her. I noticed her eyes had sunk in a bit and her lips looked horribly dry. She was in some excruciating pain and you could see it in her eyes that the little girl was doing all she could to stay alive. 

"What exactly is the situation now?" I'd asked my friend quietly. His wife sat almost motionlessly by her daughter's bed, tears silently coursing down her face as she held Vanessa's hand in hers and prayed. 

"Wale, the doctor's say she's got a 50-50 chance of survival. They've operated on her, but yet..." my friend fought back the tears as he talked to me. 

"Be strong, Dave, she'll be okay," I comforted him. " Our God is not wicked, He won't let anything, not even a thousand demons, take her away from you!"

I was still talking to Dave when Vanessa stirred and opened her eyes. Her Mum promptly rose to her feet, her mouth hanging open as she groped for words to say. 

"Angel..my Angel.." she whispered to her daughter. Even she had lost so much weight, the anguish of the past weeks had begun to take its toll on her. 

"Mum..mummy...you're crying.." Vanessa said to her mum. You could feel the pain with which she talked. 'Why, mummy..why are you crying?" she'd asked. 

Quickly, the mother wiped her eyes clean with the back of her hand. "Its okay, sweetheart, I'm not crying anymore. But how are you, my love? How are you feeling now?"

Vanessa closed her eyes and adjusted her head slightly. "I told you, mum, I will..will be alright. I am not going to die, mummy, I promise I won't leave you and Daddy..."

It was such an emotional moment. Her mum and dad held themselves together and knelt over their daughter, throwing open the gates of their eyes as the flood of tears came tumbling down. I moved to a corner of the room and battled with my own emotions, it was desperately trying to get the better of me. 

As I left their presence, I couldn't help but salute the courage of this strong little girl. If as an eight year old she's got a heart this big and powerful, imagine what a strong character she'll be when she becomes an adult. Vanessa was staring at death in the face and telling the bastard he couldn't take her life, that she would live, no matter what it takes! Now, I'm wondering, how many of us can demonstrate the sort of courage and faith this kid has shown in the face of adversity? How many times have we given up on life just because we lost our job or because the child we so desperately seek has not come? How many times have you cried and begged God not to let you die just because you had a little bout of malaria? How many times have we thought the whole world was against us just because we didn't know where the next meal would come from? Even I am guilty of this. I've got massive challenges on my hands right now that's shattered me emotionally. 

But Vanessa has taught me to be strong. She's taught me to show courage even in the face of the most terrifying tribulation. She's fighting death with every fiber in her body, and you know what? She's winning! Now, you tell me, how strong are you in the face of adversity?    

Article written by Wale Lawal.

12 CELEBRITY MARRIAGES THAT SHOULD INSPIRE YOU

"For better or for best", that is the new wedding slogan for newly married couples. Its all good, no one prays for the 'worst', we are only saying you've gotto be very well prepared for it when and if it does rear its ugly head. Truth be told, marriage can be sweet and bitter, beautiful and ugly, but trust me, if you do well enough to get your foundation right, settle for a partner that adores you and respects you, and most importantly a partner with the fear of God, then you certainly will experience far more of marriage's sweetness and bliss than most couples would ever experience. On Teekay's blog, our hope and expectation for you is to experience unending joy and happiness in your marriage. This is why we are serving you these 12 celebrity marriages that we think will inspire you, especially if you're presently dealing with marital issues that appear to be getting the better of you. 

1.ZACK AND NGOZI ORJI:

For those who believe Nollywood marriages don't go the distance, please think again! This couple, who arguably boasts of one of nollywood's most enduring marriages, have been married for over two decades. Despite the challenges of both of them being involved in movies (Ngozi was formerly an actress) they have survived all the odds and still waxing strong. 

 2. SONI AND BETTY IRABOR:

An amazing couple. Everyone just seems to love them. When you get the chance to meet this two together, you'll be blown away by the simple fact that they make it all look so easy. Soni Irabor is a veteran broadcaster and the CEO of Inspiration FM while Betty is an author and the publisher of Genevieve magazine. Through thick and thin, Betty and Soni have stuck together for over two decades. 

3. PRINCE AND MERCY JOHNSON OKOJIE:

Not many gave this couple a chance. At the time they got married, they were engulfed in a fiery controversy that very nearly consumed the wedding even before it took off. A woman had appeared from the blues weeks to their wedding claiming she was Prince's legal wife whom he married and abandoned in Europe with his kids. As the controversy raged on and spread like wild fire, the two stuck together like bees to honey, with Prince insisting his marriage to the lady was dead and buried yeas back, long before he met Mercy. Today, they are both blessed with three lovely kids.

4.DAKORE AND OLUMIDE AKANDE:

Before she got married, she was everyone's sweet little darling.She still is. Dakore was the sweet and pretty petite t.v. gal that movie lovers just couldn't get enough of. They met each other several years ago in the U,S, and have gone on to become the envy of their peers. At the initial stage of their marriage, many feared that getting married into the intimidating Akande dynasty might put Dakore under severe pressure and may not be able to cope. Bu she has since gone on to prove many wrong, and she's got adorable kids to show for it!

5. ITUAH AND IBIDUN IGHODALO:

Another amazing couple who have broken all barriers and defied all the odds. Pastor Ighodalo and incredibly beautiful wife, Ibidun, who was a former Lux beauty queen, have been married for over a decade now. In a society where bearing offsprings is seen as the primary essence of marriage, Ibidun and her husband have stuck together, keeping faith and trusting God to fill their home with the cry of babies when it is His time.Pastor Ituah Ighodalo is the Senior Pastor at Trinity Christian Centre. 

6.FELA AND TARA DUROTOYE:

Simply charming couple. They certainly complement each other. Fela Durotoye is one of the most sought after motivational speakers in the land today while his wife, Tara, is the smart,and hugely popular make-up artist behind the brand known as House of Tara International. The beauty expert and mother of three is into a bit of counselling for women and marriage as well. She will be the first to tell you that no marriage is perfect but the she and her husband have been able to completely trust each other. 

7. ISAAC AND NNEKA MOSES:

They both met on a movie set in 1996 and have never looked back ever since. Even when the kids failed to come several years after their marriage, they stood by each other and believed in each other. In truth, many were anxiously waiting to read about their separation in the papers, believing it was only a matter of time that the strain of childlessness in the marriage will tear them apart. But it never happened.Today, not only have the kids come, they have also been able to build together a brand name that will surely feed them and their children's children for a long time to come.

8. RICHARD AND JUMOBI MOFE DAMIJO:

He was every woman's heart-throb. A brilliant actor and articulate speaker. When he got married to the equally desirable t.v. gal, Jumobi, at a time when RMD was believed to be dating several other women, many didn't think the marriage could go past the first year before falling apart. Even years after wedding, all manner of stories hinting that the marriage was troubled kept coming up. But they were able to weather the storms together. Between them they have five children.

9. IRETIOLA AND PATRICK DOYLE:

Another couple you can't help but love. They have been married for over two decades and have about six children between them to  care for. Being practitioners of the media industry, their understanding of each other is almost uncanny. Despite their individual successes as on screen personalities, they have remained committed to each other and to their marriage. 

10.OLU AND JOKE JACOBS:

Many would tongue lash us if this two don't make this list. And indeed, this write-up would be incomplete without them on it. Both respected veteran actors who have become role models to younger ones, particularly in the industry, never fail to laugh and enjoy each other's company whenever they're attending public functions together. Despite that they've been married for over two decades, they still cut the picture of young lovers who are heads over heels in love with each other. 

11. ANNIE IDIBIA AND TUFACE:

Theirs would make a perfect love story. A classic fairy tale.and money  They first met several years ago when Tuface was still hustling and jumping buses to perform at shows. She was young and in love. Over night, humongous success came for Tuface and she lost him to the hordes of women who flocked around him. He ended up having kids from a couple of these women. She cried, walked away but just could never stay away from him. Eventually, Tubaba realized Annie was the real deal and chose her to be his African Queen. They got married few years ago and have two kids between them. And they are waxing stronger with each passing day. 

12. OMOTOLA JALADE AND MATHEW EKEINDE:

Another testament to the fact that actresses can indeed have successful marriages.Take it or leave it, Omotola is unarguably Nigeria's biggest movie star. Blessed with an incredibly sexy figure and a really pretty face despite being a mother of four, she is also blessed with an amazing husband too. Mathew Ekeinde, a senior pilot with Arik Air has been a remarkable husband to his super star actress. He is always by her side supporting her all the way on every project she's embarked on. They have a ten years age difference between them but you will hardly notice. They seem like buddies together. You can tell how well they have raised their four kids too, they are all very well mannered and cultured children.