Wednesday, 3 May 2017

IS IT ADVISABLE TO INVOLVE OR TALK TO YOUR FAMILY OR FRIENDS ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE ISSUES?


Marriage is a delicate institution which should be handled with absolute care. If you have not encountered any challenge in your marriage/spouse, then you are not yet married. Ploblems arise but at same time you have been devinely equipped with the capability to handle them and move on with your marriage. A lot of homes have been broken as a result of talking to a wrong third party which often fall within family and friends. Here are a few reasons you may need to think twice before sharing your sensitive marriage issues with family and friends.

1. THEY WOULD NEVER FORGET: 
Its normal for couples to have quarrels or disagreements once in a while, you will mostly get over those issues and move on like nothing ever happened. You are in love with your partner and that's one of the main reasons why you find yourself forgiving and making up after a quarrel. But your family or friends do not have such feelings for them, they do not love them the way you do. So they will find it difficult to forgive or forget what they said to you or did to you why you had your misunderstanding.
2. THEY WILL START TO POISON YOUR MIND OR ADVICE YOU NEGATIVELY AGAINST YOUR PARTNER:
One of the major things that jeopardize the chances of a marriage or relationship succeeding is negative advice from loved ones(family and friends). Even if you pay a deaf ear to those advice, some will eventually get your attention and you will start listening and acting on them. You are the one married to your spouse (you are the one wearing the shoe and only your know how it fits or where it hurts) so why give people who do not know your spouse as well as you do the opportunity to judge or make decisions for you, concerning your marriage, home or love life? People who may not even know anything about having a successful marriage. Mind you, like I said earlier, they do not love your partner like you do so those advice are not coming from a place of love. Even if they love your partner, they love you more and their judgment or advice will definitely be biased. They will side you in issues that a neutral person would tell you that you are both wrong and should both work on yourselves for a better marriage. Your family and friends could even encourage you to leave your partner or react in ways that will likely end your marriage. And mind you, sometimes those advice could come out of jealousy. It's very normal for a friend or a sibling to be jealous of your love life or marriage. Maybe because they do not have that with their own partners or they never even liked your partner and if they had their way, you would be married to someone else or they just do not love you as much as you think. For any reason at all, it is highly not advisable to always involve your family and friends into your marriage or relationship issues, or to present your partner as bad person to them. Or let them know of your partners flaws. You got married or you are with your partner because of the good things in them, not the flaws, so why not let people around you know of their good qualities that you love instead of only the flaws that you hate?

3. LOSS OF RESPECT FOR YOUR PARTNER: 
Your family or friends will treat your partner or look at your partner or think of your partner the way you make them do. If you hold your partner in high esteem then they will hold them in high esteem too. If you treat your partner like trash they will do the same thing. If you portray to them that your partner is not a good spouse or person then they will never think or look at them in any good light. They will harbour those bad impressions they have about your partner forever.

4. THERE WILL BE SERIOUS CONFLICT AND HATRED BETWEEN YOUR PARTNER AND YOUR FAMILY OR FRIENDS:
Continuously telling your family or your friends about the terrible things your partner said or did to you in the heat of a quarrel can cause them to have immense hatred towards your partner, and their reaction will cause your partner to hate them back. This conflict can go on forever. And most times this is caused by the way you presented the issue to them. While you were at the peak of your anger you called and reported your partner and at that point you are so pissed that you said terrible things and even said you regret getting married, you have no idea or do not care at the moment the effect your words have on your partner, they will pick on all those things and react in a way that will affect your relationship and the relationship between them and your partner forever.

5. YOU ARE MAKING A MOCKERY OF YOUR MARRIAGE AND YOUR PARTNER: 
Continuously presenting to your family and friends that your marriage is a disaster will cause them to never value or respect your marriage. Even when they see things going well sometimes, they will still always have it at the back of their head that this marriage is a disaster or a mistake. And everyone have a best friend, they will one day tell their best friends or partners about how terrible your marriage is, and of all the hell you are going through and it goes on and on and you, your marriage and your partner will become a laughing stock. This is more likely to happen among friends that you kept involving in your marital issues. They will mock you behind your back. And maybe even rejoice about your downfall.
These are just some of the consequences of letting your family and friends in on everything going on in your marriage.
The bottom line is, reduce the rate at which you call your family and friends to lament about your partner during a misunderstanding or quarrel. It's advisable to talk to someone about the problems or issues you have, to ease your mind of them, a problem shared is a problem have solved. But you can keep just one trusted sibling to always talk to, or just one trusted friend. Or better still, talk to a marriage counselor. A marriage counselor is trained in relationship issues, and has resolved many issues and maybe similar issues to yours, so they know better and they are neutral. They will give you genuine advices without been biased. Not talking to somebody at all about your problems is not good for your health. And you can not always make good decisions on your own. You need an expert to lead you sometimes.

5 comments:

  1. This is very correct. I was there and naively kept to that rule of not telling friends and family and it did help alot. A beautiful piece for a new couple to take note

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  2. Everyone needs counselling session with you mrs

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  3. Now that is a master piece. Keep it rolling. Wonderful write up. God bless the work of your hands

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