If you can't, then you will always need your husband to make you feel good. And, when he doesn't, you will be critical of him. He won't experience this as you loving him; he will experience it as you being demanding. He will start to withhold affection from you and your marriage will become a competition of needs. A quick test of how needy you are is to ask yourself how well you handle your husband's criticism, how much you fear his rejection, and how often you think about what he needs or wants. Not puttng up with his criticism is one thing, but falling apart because of it is another. Although no one wants to divorce, living in fear of it makes people compromise their values and lose respect. And, if you rarely consider your husband's needs, it's a sure bet that you are too focused on your own. This method is #1 because if you are needy, then everything else you do to be attractive will be canceled out.
#2 LOOK FOR THE GOOD IN WHAT YOUR HUSBAND DID IN THE PAST—When you tell your husband something good about what he has done, he will become more attracted to you. His past is a large part of his identity. Telling your husband he is so much more improved over how he used to be may seem loving to you, but it will be experienced partially as rejection or criticism by him. There is a reason men talk about things they used to do, or achievements they had years before. It is part of the way they see themselves now. Even an old man will appreciate, and be attracted to, someone who admires him for something he did 50 years ago. Never discount your husband's past or put him down for being less capable now. If he ran a marathon before and is obese now, don't point out to him that he sure couldn't run a marathon anymore. It may sound funny, but it's not what that nice secretary would say or that ne acquaintance on Facebook.
#3
Be your husband's fan and cheerleader
Keep a running list of what you appreciate about your husband. Nothing is too small to go on this list. Make him feel like you are his number one fan. No one likes their critics, but everyone likes their fan club.
By
Relationship coach, Dr. Jack Ito
#2 LOOK FOR THE GOOD IN WHAT YOUR HUSBAND DID IN THE PAST—When you tell your husband something good about what he has done, he will become more attracted to you. His past is a large part of his identity. Telling your husband he is so much more improved over how he used to be may seem loving to you, but it will be experienced partially as rejection or criticism by him. There is a reason men talk about things they used to do, or achievements they had years before. It is part of the way they see themselves now. Even an old man will appreciate, and be attracted to, someone who admires him for something he did 50 years ago. Never discount your husband's past or put him down for being less capable now. If he ran a marathon before and is obese now, don't point out to him that he sure couldn't run a marathon anymore. It may sound funny, but it's not what that nice secretary would say or that ne acquaintance on Facebook.
#3
Be your husband's fan and cheerleader
Keep a running list of what you appreciate about your husband. Nothing is too small to go on this list. Make him feel like you are his number one fan. No one likes their critics, but everyone likes their fan club.
By
Relationship coach, Dr. Jack Ito
posted from Bloggeroid
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