Friday, 9 March 2018


One of the most difficult things for any woman in an unhealthy relationship/marriage to deal with is an emotionally abusive partner. It can really be devastating for any woman. In most cases, to make it even more frightening, there is usually a thin line between an emotionally abusive partner and a physically abusive one. In other words, what we're saying here is, an emotionally abusive partner, if not checked, could become both verbally and physically abusive. In truth, this is usually the foundation and beginning of most of those terrible cases that have been happening in our country lately where either the husband is beating the wife to death or the wife is ripping her man apart with a knife. Yes, women too, can be physically abusive in a relationship, particularly those with anger issues. Not a week goes by these days and you wont either in our dailies (read Punch) or on social media, how couples physically abusive each other, maiming or killing each other in the process. Here are five steps we think you can take to deal with an emotionally abusive partner, especially if the partner in question is male.

1. Being in an emotionally abusive marriage will surely have its effect on your health. The situation may drain you severely sometimes. If the conditions are still manageable and you still wish to stay in the marriage, then you must are and equip yourself mentally, spiritually and physically. Mentally, you must keep reminding yourself of your unique qualities like your beauty, your talents, your areas of strength, e.g. enterprise, buying and selling unique stuffs people love, etc. Spiritually, you must be closer to God ever than before, because he is the one who can strengthen you and change your partner for the better as well. And physically, you must engage yourself in activities that will keep your mind away from the pressure you're feeling at home. You could take up exercises and join a fitness group, or even a social group that is involved in humanitarian works, anything that will keep you preoccupied and happy at thesame time.

2. You must have a strong relationship with members of your family and close friends. At this stage, when you have tried all you can to make things better and none is working, do not keep things away from your family or a few close friends. They will give you support, both emotionally and physically. They're in fact your support system at this time. 

3. Speak to marriage counselors who may help you in either bringing in
experts who know how to handle cases such as yours or at the very least, tutor you on how to live and cope with an an abusive partner. This case may be beyond speaking to marriage counselors in the church, you need to speak with experts who know and understand exactly what you're going through.

4. You must also work on your emotions as well. Do not let him work you up all or the time. There must be limits to which you respond to his tirades. Once you see you're also starting to raise your voice at him and ready to confront him, caution yourself and calm down. If its tough for you to do that, then leave the house for a few minutes to cool off. Confronting him won't help matters, it only aggravates. When you see he's calmed down, let him know how bad you feel that things have turned this bad between both of you and that you desperately seek to make things better. Let him know you miss him and the old ways things used to be between both of you.

5. Show him love. Do not dwell on the issues you're dealing with in the relationship, do not hate him or despise him, and we know this will be very hard to do, but you have to try and love him always, regardless of how much he has hurt you. So long as you have decided to remain in the marriage, you must not give up on it. Fight for it, fight for your man and pray for him, things will surely return to the good old ways and he will become the same sweet, kind and loving guy you fell in love with.

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