Friday, 11 May 2018


It is not a new situation in marriages, it has been with us for a while now. Time and time again, so many women have had to come to terms with the fact they are married to men who prefer to have them locked up inside the home, doing nothing but cleaning, cooking and taking care of the kids 24 hours, everyday of the week. Even when the family can afford to pay for the services of a house help, they still have to stay in the house to coordinate things. They call them full time housewives. They are usually educated, enterprising, industrious and submissive women who love their husband and kids and would sacrifice their own happiness for the over all good of the family. Sometimes, this arrangement works out well. The wifey copes well and adapts suitably to the situation, making no whimper of a complaint. She carries on her duties as a full time housewife with utmost pride, dignity and joy. But it is not so in most cases. Much against the woman's will, hubby insists she must stay back at home to keep his home tidy, care for his children, put quality meals on the table for him and most importantly, keep him warm and happy at night. She despises the idea. She is seething with rage inside inside. She is hurt because she knows her capabilities. She knows how great she'll be as a business woman or career woman. She knows she's far better than being a full time housewife. She argues, she complains, but hubby's decision is final. What else can she do? She can't make a hue and cry of the situation. This is Africa, you are supposed to respect and be submissive to your husband. And left with no choice, she has to let it be..but only God knows how much she's hurting inside. For men who insist their wives must not work because they have enough money to take care of them, below are a few of the emotional pains the woman goes through as she struggles to cope with her full time housewife role.

LOSS OF ESTEEM: When you insist your woman must stay at home full time to fulfill her duties as your wife, much against her will, she expectedly becomes disenchanted. She becomes even more unhappy when she runs into her former school mates or colleagues who are doing so well for themselves. She listens with envy as they reel out their accomplishments to her. She has nothing to reel out. Only a beautiful, well kept home and family. Then she starts to feel inferior and loses her self esteem anytime she's with her more accomplished friends.

FINANCIAL DEPENDENCE: No woman, if she has her way, likes to be totally dependent on her husband for everything she needs. And this is exactly what happens when she's not doing business or gainfully employed as a wife. Hubby gives her money for house upkeep and a bit of pocket money, but how long can this really take her? As a woman, there are things she would desire to buy but cannot ask her husband for the money because he might not entirely approve of her buying it, especially if the item comes a little expensive. And this would hurt her. She'll reckon that if she were working, or running her own business she would not need his approval. It can be so bad sometimes that a full time housewife may need to hold on till hubby returns from the office before she can get money to buy her sanitary pads! That's nothing no man should be proud of.

SOCIAL LIFE COLLAPSES: This is to be expected. When you keep the woman full time in your house, you leave her no room to have a healthy social life. While the hubby probably frolicks outside, clubbing and hanging out with the boys, and possibly with the girls too, wifey is compelled to stay at home, 'hanging out' with the kids in the house or simply forced to spend endless time with her only companion - the television. She has no friends of like minds, she belongs to no group of young and enterprising women, she only has her kids and beautiful home for company. For some women, this can sometimes be mentally tortuous, and it's only a matter of time that she would reach her breaking points. And when that happens, my brother, all hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...

LIABILITY: This is one place no woman wants to find herself. When the woman starts seeing herself as a liability, especially when the man begins to grumble and moan every time she presents her needs to her man, her heart begins to break inside. This is not what she wanted from marriage. This is not her dream of what a beautiful marriage should look like. 

BOREDOM: Without a doubt, boredom will definitely set in for her. There is no excitement, no fun, in the way her regular day goes. Its the same monotonous routine over and over and over again. And this will surely worry her to no end. No woman can be happy inside of her living a perpetual life of boredom every single day. Knowing you can't go out to have fun with friends like your hubby does can be depressing. 

DEPRESSION: This is by far the biggest problem of them all. When all of the factors enumerated above have set in, the resultant effect, often times, is depression. The woman begins to feel lonely, unloved and unappreciated. She wonders if she is the one that has a problem , which is why her hubby can not trust her to hold her own work or business, or if its the man that has serious problems! Then, she starts to withdraw from herself, her husband and the world. She tries to shut everyone out of her life because she feels no one understands what she's going through and cannot be of any help to her. She's crying inside. She tries to reach out for help but no one can hear her. No one can feel her pain like she does. As she goes into depression, her BP rises, her health suffers and she feels her world shattering right before her very eyes. Only God knows how long more she can hold on...

For the men out there, the moment your wife begins to go through these phases, then there is need for you to sit down with her and review the whole arrangement all over again. This sort of situation shouldn't be allowed to continue for long, otherwise, your marriage could be sitting on a keg of gun powder. 


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