Wednesday, 6 June 2018


It  is happening almost everyday now. You open pages of the newspaper or you go through the news contents on your phone and the news is always the same - couples are killing each other by the minute. If a woman is not ripping her husband apart with a knife, it is a man butchering his once beloved wife, the mother of his children. How did get here? How did we become a society filled with savage couples who only know how to settle their differences with the knife? What is happening to us? How do we put an end to these demonic trend? Well, to begin with, we are not going to pretend to have the solutions to stopping this menace, but we want to say emphatically, violent partners are the most dangerous people to live with, and when things begin to get really heated in the relationship or marriage, to the point that the life of a partner is being threatened, then its time to begin to review that relationship or marriage. And our position on this issue is very clear - don't go on managing that kind of marriage, it is time to pull out of it! Here are five steps to take when confronted with a violent situation in your marriage.

DON'T DISMISS THE EARLY WARNINGS: A lot of people make this mistake. When your partner suddenly gets into a rage when you both argue, and then from occasional slaps, he graduates to turning you into his punching bag, beating you black and blue, then you must begin to realize there is danger. People don't just become violent over night, they always give out the little signals. A man that beats you to a pulp at the slightest provocation is only a knife away from stabbing you to death. Same applies to a woman who slaps her man at will and smashes things in the house in the heat of anger, she is not the sort of woman you turn your back on and go to sleep after a very intense provocation. She could be sticking a knife down your throat the very minute. Don't get emotional with situations like this, start considering a total review of your marriage.

AVOID GETTING INTO FIGHTS AND QUARRELS WITH A VIOLENT PARTNER: The moment you realize that your partner is the violent type who hits at you pretty quickly in the face of anger without giving it a thought, learn to restrain yourself from lashing out at him/her in return. Do not get confrontational with him/her. It never works. If anything, it only makes things worse. While your partner is all angered up and boiling inside, you play the mature part by taking things easy and not say equally hurtful or provocative things in return. This may lead him or her to get violent and things could get really messy from here. Getting confrontational is not the solution, the solution might just be staying away from that partner for good, if you don't want to end up a dead victim of domestic violence.

alert. Once your partner starts getting worked up and is threatening to hit you or hurt you physically, do not call their bluff, do the right thing by walking away from the scene. Leave the house and possibly stay with a friend or neighbour close-by for hours or even pass the night if the argument came up late in the evening. When you return hours after, he or she hopefully should've calmed down and get a grip of him or herself. But, very importantly, afterwards, you must start thinking about your safety and how you must get out of a marriage that could lead to your death!

CONSULT WITH FAMILY AND SUPPORT GROUP: You must never conceal your partner's violent tendencies from family members who could talk to him or her and make them realize the danger in their actions and pressure them to turn a new leaf. You alone cannot deal with a violent wife or husband, they need different people who play significant roles in their lives to talk to them as often as possible. People like their parents, siblings, pastor, close and respected friends, etc. They also require professional help. You have to get them to seek counselling, medical help and spiritual too, if you both are two people who take your relationship with God very seriously. Let everyone see the effort you're making to support your partner and get him or her to change and become a better person. But let everyone know too, that you couldn't guarantee staying put in that marriage forever if things do not change. 

DRAW THE LINE WITH YOUR PARTNER: This is usually the most difficult thing to do. When we're in love, we find it difficult to stand our ground and deal decisively with situations involving us and our partners. But, the reality is that, in a violent situation, you cannot afford to be emotional or sentimental. You have to look your partner in the eye and let him or her know that if he/she doesn't change and put away their violent tendencies for good, then he/she can be sure that they'll return home someday and find you have packed your things from the house and left for good. And this should be no ordinary threat. If you find there is no change, then make good your threat - leave before something terrible happens to you like its happened to those people we read or hear about every single day lately. 

It is important we make this pretty clear, we are advocating for couples to start filling for divorce and seeking dissolution of their marriage, no, that's not what we represent. We know this can be quite a difficult option for anyone to take. You have to consider the kids and so many other things, but you must also consider the most important thing to you - your life! Don't think you can continue to manage a violent husband or wife, it just never works out fine in the end. Your children need you alive. Walk away and seek help for your partner from outside, if he/she allows you to do so. And when things begin to look good with him/her again, you can consider giving him another chance. But until then, STAY AWAY from him!.

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