Tuesday, 27 June 2017

HOW TO COPE WITH AN UNFORGIVING SPOUSE

Coping with a partner that always reminds you or recalls every wrong you did in the past can be seriously frustrating, especially when you have asked for forgiveness repeatedly and the other refuses to bulge. Here are some pointers to help you deal with such

1. Have a positive approach: To be able to live with an unforgiving spouse, you have to
avoid hostility or violence at all cost when. Fighting is never the answer, hot temper will only bring out verbal or sometimes physical attacks and its not worth the stress. It is important to keep cool and remain level headed so that you will be able to reason calmly. Living with an unforgiving spouse can be challenging but also bear in mind that learning how to handle such situations can guarantee a happy and successful relationship and also boost your patience as a person.

2. Be Persistent: You must persist in your attempt to demonstrate love, concern and the desire to improve the relationship. Also try to gain your partner's trust. Sometimes they tend to keep grudges and refuse to forgive you for what you did because they do not trust you and they basically feel like you will do it again.

3. Be patient: One thing most people don't understand or underestimate is the power of PATIENCE. According to research "when you are trying to mend fences and your partner is stonewalling, the natural human reaction is to get mad and resentful". But you need patience to continue being nice even when you are getting little or no response from them. They say  "violence begets violence". Patience is a virtue that we all need to have.

4. Avoid the silent treatment/malice: When your spouse is unforgiving, avoid giving them the silent treatment. Do not go a whole day or go to sleep for the night without resolving the issue bettwen you. The longer you allow the malice to prolong, the more tense it grows and becomes difficult to resolve. This is usually an indication that either one of you have a dossier of the others past offences. In truth, your behaviour may have gotten so worse that they have no words left, so you should start the conversation, apologise, have lengthy talks with them, reassure them that you will change. Constantly communicate and help them to open up more, that way you will be able to find out where you have erred and work to savage the relationship.

5. Lastly, sometimes, little things like a hug, a kiss or any nice gesture like breakfast in bed can resolve a fight or a quarrel better than words can. When your spouse is nagging you for something you did wrong, even if you feel like you are not wrong, rather than engage them in an argument, just lean forward and kiss or hug them and say you love them and you are sorry. Letting peace reign should be more important to you than been right or winning an argument.

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