Relationships are great and fun until you start to put in too much effort to make it work. Until you start having doubts and wondering if your partner really loves you. Until you no longer get happiness but bitterness and frustration from it. Yes, no relationship is always smooth and stress free, but the trouble and sad days should not be more than the exciting days. It's ok if your partner is been unromantic and difficult when they are going through tough times. But it shouldn't be a constant habit. Below are a few tips to guide you on if to hold on or to just walk away.
YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS GOING THROUGH TOUGH TIMES BUT CAN BE REVIVED IF:
1) You and your partner are making efforts to make things work. There has to be mutual attempts to fix the relationship. It can't be one sided.
2) You love him or her and you also feel loved by them but you just keep quarreling over and over about the same things. It means, you at least have finger picked the issues you have with each other, even though they are not resolved yet, there's hope because you are not just having issues about everything. Please, make sure at least there's still love existing in the relationship. If you are always fighting because you don't feel loved by your partner and they are not making efforts to show their love to you then you have no reason what so ever to hang on to them.
3) You can also hang on and try to make things work if
you find yourself fantasizing about when the relationship was exciting and more peaceful. This is only applicable when you are the one having doubts about the relationship. You can only fantasize about the exciting times with your partner if you still have genuine feelings for them.
4) The happy moments are more than the fighting and sad moments.
5) Your partner always apologizes when he or she is wrong and then take steps towards being a better lover to you. If you can truly notice them trying to change or wishing to change. Be careful that you are not blinded by love and not noticing that they are only lying about trying and not really making efforts.
6) They still remember to say they love you on the phone. They are proud to show you off. They support and encourage you. No matter the fight, they can't stay mad at you for too long. In other words, make sure you can see visible traces of love and affection from your partner, before you make the decision to continue holding onto them.
YOU SHOULD MOVE ON IF:
1) You always doubt your partner's love for you. If there's really love in a relationship, you will see it. You will not be in doubts or wonder if they really love you. Deep within you, you know when you are truly loved. Do not compromise when it comes to if your partner loves you or not, do not say you will give them time and maybe do things to make them love you more. You shouldn't have to buy or beg for love. Or continuously have to ask your partner to show you more love.
2) Neither of you are ever willing to compromise or let go of 'being right'. So many people can't let go of their point of view and they eventually loose the person they love. There's no shame in being wrong and accepting it, especially if you are doing it for the person you love. Just let go of your pride sometimes. Refusing to not be right means you are choosing yourself and your opinion over your partner and the relationship.
3) The ratio of bad times (arguments and silent treatment) outweighs the good times (having fun, joking, playing around, communicating intimately). If you discover that throughout the period of your relationship you have had more bad times than good times then you just have to move on.
4) You are not happy. This should had even been number one, because happiness is the most important benefits of a relationship. Yes, only you can truly make yourself happy, but that doesn't mean your partner doesn't have a role to play in your happiness. If you are miserable and always crying in a relationship then you deserve better. Your lover is suppose to be your source of joy, the person you talk to when you are sad and in need of comforting. It's better to be single than to be in a relationship that is draining you emotionally.
5) There's lack of respect in the relationship. When you have no respect for your partner and they have no respect for you, there's tendency to be resentment and a lot of argument, and that is an unhealthy relationship.
6) You enjoy your time apart more than you enjoy been together.
7) You have nothing in common. Some people hang onto a relationship just because the person they are dating is good looking and they look good together. That's not really a good reason to date someone. You should have a few things in common at least. You should like a few similar things, have similar goals in life, enjoy a few things together and have mutual interesting conversations. It should never be all about look.
8) You have to continuously tell your partner how to love you or show you love. How to please you and all that. The thing is, if someone wants you, they will naturally treat you right and love you right. They may not be perfect but they will be obviously trying to do better. You can never force someone to love you or treat you right. They know what to do and how to love you, they just don't want to or are just not interested to try. When they finally meet who they want to spend the rest of their lives with, they will suddenly start doing everything right, everything you begged them to do and they never tried to. Finally, nobody is too busy. It all depends on priorities, if you are important then you won't even notice that your partner is a doctor on call at a busy hospital or a banker on a busy banking day. They will always find time to call. They will let you know ahead of time if they are going to be too busy to call or pick your call for a while.
You deserve all the happiness you need, if you can't get it from him or her then it's time you move on.
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